Belated Valentines Day Giveaway!!
I had meant to post this for Valentines Day, but life has seemed to get away from me lately for the past 2 weeks I have had the girls home sick first Megan and this week Stephanie. It has totally thrown me off course. We seem to be getting back to normal although tomorrow is a pro D day and both girls will be home! Enough of my pity party and on to some blog candy! To be entered to win all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me about one of your most embarrassing moments. I will draw a name on Saturday morning.I'll start a few years ago I was visiting my mom, she lived here in Enderby where i live now, but I lived in Langley a pretty big city, so no country for me. Anyhoo we went on a drive and drove up this mountain no houses or any buildings just mountain, we started to pick some flowers and a cow came over and I panicked and ran to the truck to get in, yelling about how I didn't like Wild Cows yes I actually said Wild Cows, I now have learned that they were free range cows, but I have never been able to live this one down. ROTFLMBO!
Here is a funny story I have come across recently actually I got it a s an email, I'm sure whatever you are going to share is not quite this bad!
The Cold Wax Story Written by Tumshie
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK?)
So, I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my particulars and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip.)
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
:::Vision returning:::
I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
:::Breathe, breathe:::
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
WHERE IS THE FREAKING WAX!!!???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch.
I am touching wax.
CRAP!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So, I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
Particulars?
Sealed shut!
Butt??
Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or... or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now......I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the ****ens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. " It works!! IT WORKS!! "
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
I also wanted to give a shout out to Laura from Lu-La's Corner she sent me this great chocolate picture!
Labels: Giveaways
posted by Kelly at 8:53 PM
36 Comments:
I think I just wet my pants. LOL! Very funny. I got nothing so don't enter me in the contest but I had to let you know I read it! LOL LOL LOL!!
Gina K.
My mother has been in and out of the hospital for 7 weeks. Thank you for posting the first thing that has made me laugh in 7 weeks.
I have tears streaming down my face from laughing. What great stress relief, Thanks!
Embarrassing story...how much time you got? How about the time I was walking down the street from school and all these cars were honking and waving at me? Here I thought they were being friendly until I got further down the street and realized that the first four buttons on my blouse were undone! (Thank gawd it happened pre-kids!)
That is soooo funny! Nothing can top that one:) My worst memory was when I was going to the mall with my 2 yr. old daughter. I grabbed some clothes to wear, fresh from the dryer. Whenever anyone spoke to us at the shopping mall that day, my little girl would announce that "my mommy wears 2 panties". I thought it was odd & after walking around about 3 hours & listening to her repeat it about 4 times, I said in a scolding voice, "Will you please quit talking about my underwear. Why do you keep saying that?" She reached behind me & hearing the sound of static cling, she yanked a pair of my tackiest underpants from the back of my slacks. Aaargh!
Linda S
my most embarrassing moment would've been performing a gymnastics routine in front of a crowd as a teenager... it was awful, I couldn't even do a proper cartwheel. :-( Not sure what the teachers were thinking LOL. I know I was thinking... "woohoo a field trip" LOL
I've had plenty of embarassing moments but the one I remember clearly - because my husband will not let me live it down - is bringing home guacamole mix for my husband. I thought you just needed to add water to it - it turns out you need avocados too! No I didn't read the directions...
What can I say - I don't cook!
I also embarrass my kids all the time by saying BRAS in the mall too loud and holding hands with my 11 yo boy!
Oh my God, I have tears running down my face, that is hilarious, thanks for that!
ok, embarrasing?! i work as a bank teller and one of my jobs is to balance our two ATM machines at noon. one is a drive up, one a walk up. the walk up machine requires my walking out across the lobby and into the foyer, then back thru the lobby, to the back offices into the little room where i have access to the back of the machine, then back across the main lobby to the teller area to do the paperwork. before i started my job, i went to the rest room and then went to balance. i wore a skirt that day, flowy and pretty, and a slip because it was a sheerer material... while i was walking across the main lobby i felt like it was bunched(i had checked?!) and so i discreetly swiped my hand swiftly across my backside and felt nothing. quick glance and all looked ok... i went thru the main lobby 3x's that afternoon, helped two customers answering their questions, and went about my business. my skirt still felt "bunchy" but i saw nothing, because when i looked back everything always looked ok... finally on my 4th treck thru the MAIN lobby and out of the outer Foyer, (hello heavy flow of banking traffic) one of my compassionate co-workers informed me that my skirt was tucked up into my pantyhouse and all bunched in the back, with the sides nicely cascading around it... {sigh} i am on 20 minutes of bank footage too... yup, luckily i wore clean underwear that day...
p.s that waxing article has to be one of the funniest i have ever read! that poor,poor woman!
jan
My most embarassing moment! I was working in Harrods in London, which is the poshest department store in the world and I came out of the toilets with my skirt tucked in my panties and hose and proceeded to walk around this store in the January sale like that until some sweet old lady came up to me and said "You might want to take your skirt out of your knickers dear!"
Baby . . . who can possibly top that wax story. Nothin' I got comes close. That's a hoot and a half. Lin
Oh my god, that is the funniest story I have ever heard, my most embarrasing story would have to be now, I didn't quite pee my pants but I just gave myself a nosebleed cause I was laughing so much, everytime I left to get more tissues and then come back to read again, I started crying with laughter again, and it started off the nosebleed, again, and then I got told off by my 6 year old for laughing too much that she could not hear the tv which is in the conservatory!!!!!!!! go figure
Ok, you want embarassing? I went on a first date with this guy (I was a teenager) and when I was getting out of the car the heel of my shoe caught in my slip (we wore dresses back then) and pulled it down around my ankles. I never went out with him again!
Great blog candy! Love your blog...
~~Rita~~
*wheezes* Bwahahahahaha! Too freakin' funny!
Oh wow.... this was so funny I'm still giggling. What a story!!
Tears are streaming down my face, and my kids are wondering.....
Thank you for sharing this, I REALLY needed a laugh today!
I about died laughing here on this one! Ok, one of my embarassing moments may not be *too* embarassing though. I was out in a very large shopping area, in a very public place with my then husband and a friend. We were walking around looking at stuff, and well I liked to grab my husband's rear end, so I saw him out of the corner of my eye and got a nice handful of rear and squeeze..only to have him turn and it was not him! It was a total stranger, I had just grabbed a handful of some strangers butt..I about died on the spot, I walked away blushing so hard, and laughing my ass off at the same time!
Okay, I'll play.
This happened in junior high, which should automatically win me the prize, because there is no greater vessel for the emotion of embarassment than a junior-high aged girl. Actually, I think almost all of my most embarassing moments happened to me in junior high, now that I think about it, so that just proves my point, right?
But this was THE most embarassing moment. So let me set the scene: Here am I, extremely geeky 14 year old girl, not popular, but not without some friends. Our school was a sprawling structure built into the side of a hill (and those who built the school planned it that way on PURPOSE so they could name it "Hillside"! Brilliant, yes?) so the main part of the school was on one level and other parts were slightly downslope from the main part. Rather than making us poor adolescent types have to toil down flights of stairs to get to gym class, the architects put ramps in instead.
In addition to this beautiful architectural feature were a series of courtyards with large windows so that the caged adolescents could glimpse the blue sky outside and see the wind toss the trees about and torture us with the fact that we, poor slobs, must remain inside having our heads crammed with knowledge. So these ramps not only gave us acess to the other part of the school, they went along the side of one of these courtyards and there were large windows running along the side of this ramp. But since the ramp went below ground level at one point, the architects had wisely chosen to keep the windows at the same height along the ramp and there was a nice window ledge below them...as you went down the ramp, this ledge got higher up off the ground.
Now it was a habit of my friends and myself to hang out on this ramp when we got to school in the morning and after lunch and avail ourselves of the opportunities for amusement it offered. In particular, we liked to sit on the ledge and since I enjoyed heights at that time, I often swung myself up on the ledge at the very bottom of the ramp and sat there because it was high up off the ground. It was my spot...the only thing missing was a brass nameplate, but everyone knew that it was mine, so I never bothered.
One morning we were enjoying ourselves on the ramp as usual and decided to do the bunny hop down the ramp. So several of us were putting out our right feet, left feet, jumping forward, then backward, then hop-hop-hopping down the ramp. We got to the bottom after a wonderfully successful performance when it finally happened. THE embarassing moment.
As I departed the bunny hop line and skipped over to my usual place, I swung myself up onto the window ledge with more than the usual exuberance. And so I didn't notice that a vital part of my anatomy was travelling faster and far closer than was safe for the action I was performing and disaster ensued...in short, I broke the window with my BUTT!
Of course, my immediate recourse was to a) swing down and resolve not to tell the authorities that I had broken a window or to tell them how I broke it as well as to b) start laughing so loudly myself that I wouldn't become the...er..."butt" of future jokes, after all, people can't really make fun of you if you laugh at yourself for whatever it is you did. I'd like to think it worked, but then after that I became extremely introverted for a long time, so maybe it didn't after all...thank goodness all the chocolate I've consumed since has cured me of THAT. And that is the story of my most embarassing moment. Even though I had probably the smallest butt I have ever had in my life,it was still a dangerous weapon and I have made sure to add extra padding to prevent my harming anyone or anything with it ever again!
hmmmmmmmmmmm. very very...
The most embarassing moment, would be having the eyeglass techinician tell me to "calm down" have a seat and be quite in their store all in front of my son.
Gina Wrona
ctbigreddog66@aol.com
P.S. Another time would be getting to work only to look down and see I had 2 different colored shoes on!
Is it o.k. if the story is a bit....dirty? Yes? O.K.
My husband and I were still in our dating days. Since he was the custodial parent of his then 5 year old son "B", there wasn't always much "time" for us. So, one afternoon while "B" was playing at a friend's house, we found ourselves alone for a few hours. He lived in the top floor of a duplex at the time. So, there we were, doing that thing that only married people are supposed to do, when we hear the front foor open....then footsteps coming up the stairs....then we hear "hello....hello". His ex-wife was dropping off "B's" jacket that he had left at her house. She didn't call first, she didn't even knock! We were yelling "NO - don't come up..." but she ignored it. I had just enough time to dive under the covers and my now hubby jumped up and slammed the bedroom door. Hey, at least we were in the bedroom!
Oh, which one of my MANY embarrassing moments to chose.....
In fifth grade the very cool thing to do was hook one leg over chin-up bar and do flips. One day my friends and I were out at the playground during recess doing these flips. The chin up bars are staggered: one short, one medium and one tall. I was on the talles one. We were flipping peacefully and having a great time. Being the super graceful individual that I am, this did not last long. All of the sudden I went flying from the chin-up bar, landing in a pile of wood chips at the bottom.
Funny, the wood chips were quite rough. Rougher than normal. Why, you might ask? Because apparently only part of "me" had left the chin-up bar, My shorts and underwear were STILL WRAPPED AROUND THE BAR! I was standing there, naked from the waist down, with wood chips stuck all over my bare behind.
The playground noises came to a screeching halt as everyone turned to stare. After flailing around trying to jump up and grab my knickers I discovered that I was too short to reach them.
So, while the entire school watched with rapt attention (we had just watched the "Your Body is Changing" film the week before) I had to scale the short bar, crawl across the medium bar and untangle my clothing from the high bar. I jumped down, put my pants on and ran.
My mom didn't make me go back to school for a whole week. I thought we should have just moved.
so funny!! thanks for the laughter.
Okay, one more.
In the 11th grade I went to take the SAT. I had to leave for the testing site quite early in the morning and got dressed very quickly in the bathroom my messy sister and I share. It was chilly, so I grabbed a sweatshirt off the floor just in case.
Before beginning the exam I decided to don the sweatshirt. Comfy and cozy I started the test. I was sitting in the very front row out of about 20 (the test was given in a large library). After 2 hrs we were given time to use the facilities. As I waited in line, the girl behind me said that I had something stuck to my shirt and asked if I wanted her to take it off. I said, "Sure." I was thinking it was a piece of tape, or lint, or the like.
Nope. It was a USED maxi pad. It had apparently also been on my messy sister's bathroom floor. I had been sitting in the front row with a used maxi on my back for the entire first half of the test.
I wanted the floor to swallow me up whole.
(On the other hand, the pad may have been lucky. I did great on the SAT and ended up with a full ride to college based solely on the test score.)
oh my gosh - all these stories are making me crack up. the waxing one was hilarious!!
let's see - most embarassing moment - i think that would be wearing heels higher than normal to work one day, and tripping and falling flat on my face in front of about 5-6 co-workers. yes that would be me, ms. graceful. sooo embarassing.
have a great weekend.
I'm so sorry, but that is hilarious and if we ever meet face to face, guess what I will be thinking about? I'm glad I'm not the only one blogging about my whoo hoo!
And please tell me you aren't colouring your nether region next week? And just wait until the hair starts to grow back!
One of my embarassing moments would be during the weekend I spent at my good friends place. They had just gotten a new puppy and she liked to chew. I had just gotten my period and didn't want anyone to know. After I used the bathroom, the puppy went in the garbage and removed the pad and then brought it down to the family room where everyone was watching a movie. She proceeded to chew and rip it up right in front of us and I couldn't wait for the floor to open up and swallow me.
I've had the skirt in the pantyhose happen at Christmas dinner.
Another time, I was giving my self a facial, green mud mask and all. The door bell rings and it's a parcel for me, so I quickly wash my mud off. But not all of it, no, I didn't look in the mirror until after. I had the most beautiful green rings around my eyes, nose and mouth. The delivery guy probably thought I had some nasty disease.
well, here's my little quip:
when i was little, my mom and i went Christmas shopping at a foley's store in downtown houston. we got on the elevator to go to the toy dept and we were the only ones in there. i proceeded to tell her the cute little poem i had learned at school that day: "Mama Mia, Pappa Pia....", the doors to the elevator opened and there were A LOT of people waiting to get on (remember it's Christmas and the toy dept.)...so then the doors opened and i finished the poem and announced loudly, "I've got diarrhea!" Well, everyone waiting to get on the elevator parted like the Red Sea!!!! Oh, it wasn't embarrassing to me at all then, I don't remember it---what's embarrassing is that my mother still to this very day tells this story to EVERYONE!!!!
On my first date with this guy, I was in the middle of talking to him and had to sneeze and this big old boogie comes bubbling out of my nose.HUGE!! I had no kleenex and didnt know what to do with it, so I wiped it into my palm and held it there until we got to the restaurant, where I went and washed my hands (I thought about wiping it on the floor carpet, because it was weird weather and who would notice but I "saved " it until I could safely get rid of it. Then it turned out it was a steak place and I am a vegetarian, but I knew guys hated dating women who didnt eat, so I ordered a small steak, had them burn it to a crisp and took it home because I was full from the potato, salad and bread. This was in the early 70's, mind you. After one date with this guy who I figured I would never see again, we were never apart-we got engaged and we had a 2nd date at a drive in and got married-eloped-6 weeks after meeting. I am still a vegetarian, and still sneeze badly but am more prepared after 35 years.
Hi Kelly! What wonderful blog candy. Embarrassing moment, huh? Okay, well one day while I was at work a client walked in the office. I called "her" and "him" and still thought that the woman was a man until she corrected me. I was so incredibly embarrassed, I could barely apologize (but I did, of course). Hope you have a great weekend Kelly.
My funniest story?
I was in my late teens and we were up at a lake cottage for vacation. It had rained the previous night and a floating "bog" had blown up near shore. (a floating bog is a mini floating island that is not anchored to anything and moves slowly across a lake by waves and wind). Wise acre that I am, I walk out to the end of a pire to the bog. I can actually see it moving...so I take a hold of a heavy branch and give a yank. A deep crack fills the air and the branch is no longer attached to the bog. I shout and I do a perfect summersaul of the end of the pier and land in chest high water sputtering like a mad woman. My Dad had been standing on the pier just behind me, he is laughing so hard, he won't even help me back up to onto the pier. Now I'm mad and start shouting at him to quit laughing and give me a hand. No luck. I end up walking through the muck and up to the shore to stand dripping and covered with alge only to see every fisherman that was around laughing at me as well. See, the bog blocked all the piers where there boats were parked and they couldn't get out to go fishing for the day. So I was the entertainment for more than a dozen of those dopes. I have never lived this down and my Dad will still remind me of it years and years later!
bonnie32002
Sure seems like all of us have had some pretty embarassing moments in our lives.
The one that clearly sticks out in my mind is when I was a teenager my sister and I were walking down town London (ON). I had on these 3 inch wedge heels thinking myself pretty "hot" stuff when all of sudden I go over on my ankle and some guy yells out "TIMBER". I must have turned 3 shades of red.
Holy Cow, the wax story is gona be hard to beat! I actually had to use my inhaler to finish reading it!!
MY most embarassing moment was probalby when i was babysitting as a teenager. The NEIGHBOR MAN came to the door and told me that the kids were upstairs peeling and putting maxi pads ALL over the window!!! They totally covered the window which of course, faced the street! I was mortified by 1)what they were doing and 2) that a MAN told me!!! UHGH! LOL LOL
~Lana B.~
After my H.S. graduation everyone was hugging everyone, or mostly so. This excitement caused me to be in a huggy mood as well and I even hugged the father of one of my friends/classmate. He seemed a little taken back by it but I didn't think too much about it and moved on in my hugging frenzy.
Fast forward three months, when my friend and I were going through the registration process at the college we were going to attend. Our parents visited in the lounge area.
As it turned out, I had hugged my friends Dad's twin brother!! Afterwards his wife asked "who's she", to which he replies "I have no idea". LOL
DeAnna
These stories are the best! I have a little one of my own - an adult story. I was in my first boy/girl relationship( which sounds silly since we were both adults). We got into the "business" adults do. Being responsible about birth control we used a condom. There came a time we decided to change activities. The condom needed to come off. Sooo...I grabbed it by the tip and yanked. My guy yelped and surprisingly calmly told me it needed to roll off. Oops.
You are hilarious - this just made me laugh so much - haven't we all been there? Well not *there* but ya know what I mean!
Oh My Gosh! That was one of the funniest things I have ever read! I am going to make all of my sisters read it! They will get such a kick out of it!
Post a Comment
<< Home